Trauma Specialist

Do you feel unsafe with your partner? Do you feel hopeless and like your partner controls your every move or behavior?

It is possible to get out of this hopelessness.

On average, 20 people per minute are victims of physical abuse by an intimate partner in the United States (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2017). Although trauma may be caused by a wide range of negative life events, some of the most common traumatic symptoms are rooted in relationship problems.

Domestic violence, or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), is sadly common in the United States, and California is no exception. Families in the Encino area struggle with issues related to powerlessness. Domestic violence occurs when one partner engages in behaviors to maintain control and power over his/her partner (The Domestic Violence Hotline, 2017). This can cause the victim of the abuse to feel hopeless and under his/her partner’s control. There are different ways abuse can occur in these relationships, including:

• Physical abuse (e.g. hitting, kicking)
• Emotional abuse (e.g. insulting, isolating from family and friends)
• Sexual abuse (e.g. forcing into sexual behaviors, insulting in sexual ways)
• Financial abuse (e.g. preventing access to finances, stealing money)
• Digital abuse (e.g. demanding passwords, uses social media to monitor victim)
• Reproductive coercion (e.g. sabotaging birth control methods, refusing to use a condom)

Domestic violence generally begins with a partner slowly engaging in abusive behaviors, and then promising to better and never do it again. Another way this occurs is that the perpetrator begins to gaslight the victim, or make the victim question his/her sanity. This leads to a cycle where the victim is stuck in an unhealthy relationship. It is common for victims to feel as if they deserved the abuse they experienced, but this is part of the manipulation that the perpetrator actively engages in.

It is difficult to talk about domestic violence because a person that was previously trustworthy has been harmful. Domestic violence is also a predictor for higher rates of depression and suicidal behavior (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2017). Responses to domestic violence can be severe and can truly interfere with living a happy life. When safety is consistently threatened and helplessness is an ongoing emotion, the likelihood of Post-Traumatic Stress (PTSD) and depression is higher (Salcioglu, Urhan, Pirinccioglu, & Aydin, 2017). Survivors of domestic abuse can have symptoms of PTSD because they have felt so little control and safety.

The added difficulty to domestic violence is that in order to end the abuse, often the victim has to leave his/her partner. This can be incredibly difficult, as there are usually still romantic feelings involved in the relationship and it can feel like betrayal to leave or report the perpetrator. When domestic violence is reported, this can lead to the perpetrator acquiring jail time or charges, and often the victim has to recount the abuse to the proper authorities. Although reporting can be an incredibly challenging process, it can be necessary for the safety of the victim.

You don’t have to be a victim anymore. You can be a survivor.

Has someone hurt you, whether it be physically or mentally? Do you find yourself feeling unsafe or insecure? Are these feelings still affecting you today?

You are not alone. It is possible to process through those abusive experiences.

Abuse is a common cause of trauma. It occurs when a person(s) enforces control over another person(s) in a harmful way. There are many different types of abuse that can occur, and all of them are harmful and can lead to a traumatic response in the victim. Just as disorders such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and depression can occur with domestic violence, they can also occur with any type of abuse.

Physical abuse is what many people think of when considering abuse. Physical abuse involves physical harm or threat of harm to another person. This can be a more obvious form of abuse, as many times it can leave behind marks or bruises. Some forms of physical abuse include:

• Punching
• Hitting
• Slapping
• Strangling
• Kicking
• Throwing objects

Physical abuse can be incredibly dangerous because it can seriously harm the victim and in some cases even lead to death. Domestic violence in the form of physical abuse accounts for 15% of violent crime (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2017). Even if there are not marks or bruises, the pain of physical abuse is still present.

Emotional abuse can take many forms, and occurs mostly in the context of intimate relationships. As other forms of abuse, emotional abuse centers around the perpetrator exercising control and power over the victim. Some forms of emotional abuse include:

• Continual criticizing
• Isolating victim from family or friends
• Acting possessive
• Exercising control over what the victim does or where he/she goes
• “Gaslighting,” or causing victim to question sanity
• Threatening harm
• Blaming the victim for the abuse
• Withhold affection from victim if he/she does not comply

Emotional abuse commonly co-occurs with other types of abuse. When victims are being emotionally abused, it can be even more difficult for them to leave the relationship or situation. When emotional abuse is coming from a family member, sometimes it is not possible to leave the relationship. Emotional abuse may not leave physical marks, but it leaves immense emotional marks.

Sexual abuse can occur with or without an intimate relationship as the context. Sexual abuse also results from an individual wanting power or control over another individual. Since sexual acts are so intimate, the victim can feel violated in many ways. Some forms of sexual abuse can include:

• Forcing the victim into sexual acts
• Demanding sex when the victim is feeling unwell, or after the perpetrator has just hurt the victim
• Hurting the victim during sex
• Manipulating the victim into performing sexual acts
• Ignoring the feelings of the victim during sex

Sexual abuse happens when a sexual act between two or more people is not consensual. Consent means that all individuals involved have agreed to engage sexually at each point in the event. If an individual decides during the act that he/she would like to disengage from the event, he/she should be able to exit or transition from the event. When a sexual act begins, consent is needed throughout the experience from all individuals involved. It may feel shameful to talk about the sexual abuse because many victims believe the abuse was their fault. This may be a result of the perpetrator placing blame on the victim, or because of societal expectations.

You do not need to stay in this shame.

You can expect patient-centered and compassionate care from Dr. Jaffe when you come in for addiction therapy. During your first session, he lets you do all the talking; he wants to hear your story.

Dr. Jaffe talks to you about your addiction and makes recommendations about the needed areas of focus. He then works with you to develop a treatment plan. Dr. Jaffe takes an individualized approach to addiction therapy, customizing care that best meets your needs.

Addiction is a disease that requires ongoing medical and mental health care. Call the office of Robert Jaffe, Ph.D, LMFT, or schedule an appointment online today.